Something, Something, Something Murder | SubsequentDraft
The glorious Damon Lindelof is penning this unique, serialized story for SubsequentDraft to assist us, and him, by way of the quarantine. Chapters will replace right here periodically, however for the epic expertise and all of the day’s actual information, get the free publication or app by touching the top under (please use a rubber glove).
Chapter One: I’ve Never Written A Short Story Before
“They’re going to kill us.”
George checked out her. She was smiling, however there was one thing about the best way she stated it.
“Nah,” George stated, smiling again, “We’ll be fine.”
“I heard them whispering…” She leaned in, whispering herself, “I heard them say one thing one thing one thing homicide.”
“They’re kids. They talk about murder all the time. It’s a whole thing.”
“A “thing” is TikTook, George… homicide just isn’t a factor.”
Elizabeth’s smile was gone now. Come to think about it, it hadn’t been there within the first place. Neither of them had actually smiled since PH&W.
“Wait… are… You’re serious?”
“I heard them whispering… I heard them say homicide after which the floorboard creaked they usually stopped. Because they knew I used to be there within the hallway.”
“The floorboard… creaked? Like in the movies?”
“No one says that. No one says ‘like in the movies’ unless they’re in a fucking movie.”
“Well I said it and I’m in real life.”
“There are four of them and two of us. We’re outnumbered.”
George shrugged. “But they’re smaller than we are. And dumber.”
“Alden’s not dumber.” She stated. “And he’s the one who said murder.”
She checked out him. He seemed again at her. Theirs was a romance cast of their shared unwillingness to blink.
“Maybe we should tell them where it is.”
He shook his head. He ought to have seen this was the place issues had been headed.
“If we tell them where it is, they’ll use it.”
Both of them knew the place it was. And each of them knew George was proper. The youngsters would certainly use it.
“They’ll find it. We’re in this house for weeks… they won’t stop until they find it.”
“Well then possibly you need to have saved your time machine at work, Elizabeth.”
Her forehead furrowed. “Don’t call it that.”
But he could be. George could be very, very sorry certainly.
It was Day Two of the Self-Quarantine.
Chapter Two: Today I Got a Humidifier at Bed, Bath & Beyond and likewise Six Bags of Gummi Bears But At Least I Was Wearing Dish Gloves
Abby was a Gryffindor, a Gryffindor for certain. Leo was Hufflepuff. Emma additionally claimed to be Gryffindor, however Abby cried foul and demoted her to Ravenclaw. And Alden?
Alden was a Slytherin.
The actual world, after all, had no magic. The Rosenberg kids had gone to Universal Studios, Orlando a pair summers in the past the place a Grad Student in an ill-fitting gown instructed Alden The Sorting Hat had most actually put him in Gryffindor, however Alden scowled and stated, “This is America. We choose our own House.” The Grad Student (his title was Charlie) grinned gamely. So what if the instructors on the Upright Citizens Brigade instructed him his selections had been a bit “obvious?” He lived for shit like this. For youngsters like Alden Rosenberg.
“Ahhhh…. So a Slytherin, then?” Charlie stated ominously in an accent he loosely based mostly on Kevin Costner’s Robin Hood.
“You’re goddamn right.” stated Alden.
Two years later, Charlie was on a ventilator and Alden, alongside his brothers and sisters, was planning a homicide.
But there had been a creak. And it was fairly clear it was a mother creak and never a dad creak. Mom was sure-footed and sly… an undetected strategy to the doorway wouldn’t have been potential for dad, who, let’s simply say it, was an oaf.
“What’s an oaf?” requested Leo.
“Google it.” stated Alden, who was hurriedly stuffing the composition pocket book that contained his plan beneath the mattress.
Mom had hustled away shortly as soon as Alden had heard her, in order that they had been free to speak. “Do you think she heard us?” Abby requested. She was his twin, simply as vivid as Alden however sadly not almost as evil. In her goals, the 2 would staff up and resolve mysteries, like who stole the cash from the cashbox on the Beverly Hills Elementary Brownie Bonanza? (Alden did)
“She undoubtedly heard us.” Said Leo, who idolized Alden, despite the fact that he was two years older and a head taller. Like dad, Leo was additionally an oaf.
“We can simply inform her we had been enjoying Clue,” stated Emma, “Clue has lots of murder.” Alden nodded at his youthful sister. She confirmed promise.
“They won’t believe we played a board game on our own. They know it’s something we’d only do in exchange for screen time.” The others nodded. Of course Alden was proper. He was at all times proper.
“So now what?” requested Leo, who was at all times the one who stated “So now what?” and likewise “What did he/she mean by that?” and likewise “Can you explain that again?”
Alden tried to not sigh aloud. “Now we go downstairs and watch the briefing like everything’s cool.”
And that’s what they did. All 4 kids, as cool as could possibly be, taking their standard positions as dad clumsily toggled between the AppleTV and DISH and XboxLive on the distant. Emma snuggled into mother’s lap on the sofa as Abby scrunched into the matching beanbag beside Alden. Leo sat criss-cross apple sauce on the ground, means too near the TV as Dad lastly navigated to CNN.
As the previous couple of members of the press settled into their seats earlier than the empty podium, The Chryron on the backside of the display screen learn “PRESIDENT ABOUT TO SPEAK ANY MOMENT”.
“I hope they have some sense of how long this is gonna last.” stated dad.
“It’s only been two days, honey…” mother responded.
She seemed over at Alden and smiled, however he knew she knew. If anybody on this household was smarter than Alden, it was mother. She was extensively thought-about to be one of many world’s biggest particle physicists, however she was additionally just a bit bit evil, which opened her eyes to the world in methods the others had been blind. On a wet day a number of months earlier, in these bygone days PH&W, Alden and mother watched SILENCE OF THE LAMBS collectively, simply the 2 of them, consuming grilled cheeses. When the film was over, Alden instructed mother that he had been rooting for Lecter the entire time, even when he brutally killed the policemen who had been guarding him and wore one in every of their dismembered faces like a masks so he may escape. “Of course you were rooting for him,” mother had stated, “He’s the hero.”
Alden wished he may inform her what he was as much as, however he knew she’d destroy her invention instantly. Mom understood chances. The solely cheap response to studying his true plan could be to ensure he may by no means implement it., so for now Alden must play dumb whereas vector by vector, closet by closet, he carried out his search.
“Here we go!” dad exclaimed, and certain sufficient, on the TV the specialists had been strolling out from that little blue door and submitting onto the stage behind the rostrum. Once they hit their marks, the President appeared.
“She looks sick.” stated dad.
Mom frowned. “She’s not sick, she’s tired. I’ll bet she hasn’t slept since this all started.” Dad nodded in settlement, retreating, “You’re right. Sorry.”
And with that, Hillary Rodham Clinton, 45th President of The United States, started her briefing.
Chapter Three: I’m Starting To Get Really Scared And The Daily Is Only Making It Worse
Brad was a beardsman, which meant he had one of the best beard.
Brad was tall… fairly tall, really. People he met would ask him if he performed basketball (he had, however he had gotten harm) however that was only a preamble for what they actually wished to ask, which was how was it potential that his beard was so fucking superior?
The secret was not within the merchandise, although he had extensively examined them all around the years. Amateurs use the identical shampoo on their heads as they do their beards, however Brad was no beginner and he knew that beard hair is 4 occasions extra coarse than head hair and thus requires a product chemically composed accordingly, that’s why he solely used Spartan’s Den. The helmet on the label reminded him of that film the place that one man shouted, “THIS IS SPARTA!” and kicked one other man within the chest and right into a goddamn gap. That man was ripped and he wore a cape and oh candy Christ, did he have a fucking beard.
The secret was not within the equipment. Brad’s beard brush was boar bristles, one hundred percent boar bristles, in truth. When he first purchased it, he boasted to Candace, “My beard brush is boar bristles.” And she stated, “That’s alliterative.” And he stated, “Bitchin’.” And they fucked.
No, neither product (we is not going to get into the balms and oils right here, suffice to say they had been important) nor equipment was the key to the cultivation of Brad’s excellent beard…
The secret was time.
A tv display screen is made up of particular person pixels. Every pixel, by itself, an infinitesimal a part of the larger image. A beard is product of particular person hairs. Each hair, by itself, an infinitesimal a part of the larger beard. Brad had thirty thousand particular person hairs in his beard and only a single one, both too lengthy or too quick or too darkish or too mild may destroy the entire goddamn social gathering on his face — These hairs needed to be hunted and exterminated in any respect prices for the sake of the larger beard and sure, that took time.
Too a lot time, Candace would generally counsel. But Brad was prepared, prepared and in a position to get up each morning at quarter to 4 to look and destroy the illegals on his face, so actually, get the fuck over it Candace. He was nonetheless within the bathe by 5 thirty and able to kick ass for the boss by six.
And this was why everybody requested him concerning the exquisitely formed monument of manhood. Because they by some means sensed it was extra than only a beard. It was one thing all of them wished, however had by no means achieved…
It was pure.
Which is why Brad was in no way shocked to listen to a voice say “Great Beard!” as he walked to his Escalade.
Brad was, nonetheless shocked to see the voice belonged to a child. A boy, possibly ten, stood within the car parking zone, smiling and overconfident in a means that defied each instructing surrounding the legal guidelines of kids and strangers. “Thanks.” stated Brad, and opened the door to the Escalade.
The child saved observing him as he slid behind the wheel and at this level, Brad acquired the uh-oh feeling. There may solely be one rationalization for a boy all by himself ready in his car parking zone and observing him with that goofy smile and people darkish, darkish eyes. Oh sure, Brad had seen sufficient episodes of MAURY to know the place this was heading all proper. The boss would perceive, after all… Brad’s inventory would solely go up for siring a bastard. But Candace was going to completely shit.
Brad was not a person who delayed the inevitable. If dangerous information was coming, higher to simply stand there on the tracks and let the prepare come. He rolled down the window and stated to the child, “Can I help you?”
“As a matter of fact, sir, you can…” stated the child as he approached the Escalade, extending his hand cockily, his smile much more delightfully sinister up shut…
“My name is Alden Rosenberg and I’m from the future.”
Chapter four: You Got Mad At Me For Making Up LOST As We Went Along But You’re Okay With THIS Shit?
There was nothing extra mysterious than an eyepatch.
When Elizabeth was 9, she got here down with a foul case of mono and for 2 superb weeks, her mom took off work to look after her. Despite the discomfort of the sickness, this was the one time in her life Elizabeth had her mom’s full consideration and it was nothing wanting magical. Mono was contagious… not almost as contagious as COVID-19… however aggressive sufficient to attempt to put its hand up your shirt for those who weren’t cautious. Regardless, Elizabeth’s mom wrapped her up in a heat quilt and cozied up proper beside her on the sofa as they slurped rooster noodle soup and watched hours upon hours of daytime TV. It was right here they each found Patch.
Patch absolutely had a reputation… Elizabeth recalled it was possibly Scott or Steve… however nobody known as him that. They known as him Patch as a result of he wore one over his left eye. It was black, similar to his leather-based jacket and his tight denims. His hair was blonde and lustrous. He wore boots and his denims had been tight. He had a gravelly voice and moved like a jungle cat, a jungle cat carrying tight denims. “How can you tell if he’s blinking or winking?” Elizabeth requested her mother.
“You can’t.” her mother responded.
These had been within the days earlier than Wikipedia, so the 2 had been left to invest as to how Patch misplaced his eye. No one on the present ever requested him, and who may blame them? He was surly and scorching underneath the collar… he was a person with secrets and techniques, a person in ache… he had depth, however no depth notion… “…and men like that,” Elizabeth’s mother stated with a barely decrease voice than she usually spoke with, “are dangerous.”
Elizabeth ultimately acquired higher and her mom went again to work. The mono had made them a duo, however the regular rhythms of life fell again into place and whereas they’d at all times stay mom and daughter, they had been by no means actually that shut once more. Even when Elizabeth held her mother’s hand on the opposite aspect of the protecting plastic, bundled right into a blue Tyvek swimsuit with faceshield and gloves sure to her wrists with tape, she nonetheless longed for the consolation of being wrapped up in that quilt all these years in the past. It was in that second… that very second… that Elizabeth swore she would avenge her mom’s dying. No – she would do higher than that.
She would stop her mom’s dying.
All paradoxes begin with a single act of hubris. Not an motion, however an thought. An particular person vowing to bend the legal guidelines of time and area to their very own egocentric whim with no concern nor regard of consequence. The very second such a choice is made, there’s an audible crack as quantum realties spill out throughout the multiverse, every risk a grain of sand free of the hourglass previously imprisoning it.
So are the times of our lives.
Years would go earlier than Elizabeth beta-tested her first chronoceutical. Dozens of failed makes an attempt to change the collection of occasions main as much as that dreaded day in November would comply with. But then, lastly, she would succeed… and in succession, a slightly phenomenal serendipity would happen.
For when Hillary gave her acceptance speech on the Javits that evening, she spoke of her personal mom, Dorothy.
She stated that Dorothy’s dad and mom had deserted her on the age of eight, left her and her child sister to fend for themselves as they had been placed on a prepare to be raised by kinfolk they’d by no means met. Hillary paused in her speech and stated, “If I could go back in time and tell anyone in history about becoming president, I would tell my mom.”
Elizabeth was there on the Javits… after all she was there for she was the one who had made this occur. She had pulled aside cosmic strings and shat upon the Godel metric to make this occur. She had defied the legal guidelines of nature and gravity and decency to make this occur and there she was, up on the stage, the one she had accomplished all of it for… and she or he was speaking about TIME TRAVEL?!? Tears streaked down Elizabeth’s cheeks, her physique trembling… she swore she may really hear the cracks within the glass ceiling above her as Hillary introduced the room to close silence in anticipation, her voice low and assured and true as she stated –
“I think about my mom on that train. I wish I could walk down the aisle and find the little wooden seats where she sat, holding tight to her even younger sister, alone, terrified. She doesn’t yet know how much she will suffer … I dream of going up to her, and sitting down next to her … and saying, ‘Look at me. Listen to me. You will survive. You will have a good family of your own, and three children. And as hard as it might be to imagine, your daughter will grow up and become the President of the United States.’”
The crowd on the Javits exploded. Elizabeth was screaming with them, screaming like a young person when the Beatles performed Ed Sullivan, screaming and pulling at her hair with pleasure and reduction and rapture.
Hillary raised up her arms in victory.
She was, after all, carrying an eyepatch.
Chapter 5: Spring Breakers Will Kill Us All And No I Don’t Mean The James Franco Movie But It’s Not Doing Us Any Favors Either
Verbatim textual content thread between Dr. Elizabeth Bohrs-Rosenberg (“ME”) and Albert Bohrs (“DAD”) // Twenty Days AH&W, Iteration One
ME: Hey, dad. How are you?
DAD: okay thx
ME: Did you learn the article…?
ME: Please don’t be dismissive.
DAD: (emoji of taco)
DAD: oops didnt imply to do taco.
ME: You have a university schooling. I want you’d capitalize. And punctuate. And spell “interesting” appropriately.
DAD: and that i want you single spaced after intervals oh nicely
ME: The double area is completely acceptable… and if ever there was a time for extra spacing, it’s now.
ME: That’s a social distance joke.
DAD: ys humorous
ME: If you learn the article then inform me the place the social gathering was.
ME: Connecticut. Capitalized. Missing “c.”
DAD: one c too many for those who ask me
ME: Dad… can I ask you an moral query?
ME: … Hello?
ME: Let’s say I had a means to return to that social gathering… the place all of them acquired contaminated. And let’s say the one option to stop them from getting contaminated concerned killing one in every of them. That means ten much less super-spreaders, which might have purchased us virtually two further weeks earlier than the tipping level.
ME: … JESUS DAD… HELLO?!?!?!?
DAD: sorry watching wheel rerun not the identical with out your mother vanna appears much less shiny by some means
ME: So… Is it moral? If I may… is it okay? Take one life to gradual exponential development? Save a whole lot of 1000’s… possibly extra?
DAD: not moral, no.
ME: Yeah. I figured.
DAD: but when your going to hell…
ME: YOU’RE. JESUS DAD!
DAD: may as nicely make it depend
DAD: fuck conneticut downside is with the orangutang within the white home you need to change issues change that
DAD: … Elizabeth?
ME: You capitalized my title.
ME: (crying emoji)
To be continued…
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